Why do I even bother anymore? It's not worth the effort! *Sigh*
Do you think they have an online application for Monasteries? Or do I have to go the old fashioned route with a paper resume and cover letter?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Thursday, July 5, 2007
We're all stars and we see that...
I enjoy my unique sensibility.
How many people do you know weave in and out of traffic driving 90 in a 50mph zone while listening to "We're All in This Together" from High School Musical?
Daring to be different. And NOT doing it just for the sake of being different. :)
How many people do you know weave in and out of traffic driving 90 in a 50mph zone while listening to "We're All in This Together" from High School Musical?
Daring to be different. And NOT doing it just for the sake of being different. :)
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Wheels a-turnin'
So I've been thinking a lot lately about my patterns.
I have a tendency to fawn over men who are not interested in me. This isn't one of those "thrill of the chase" type of scenarios. I'm not chasing after men who are just playing hard to get. Rather, I seem to obsess over those who wouldn't give a shit if I went away or stopped talking to them.
And of course, this fact only goads me to try and make them like me. I obsess and get sad and hope that one day, if I do the right thing at the right moment, something will change in their perception of me. That they will all of a sudden care about me as much as I seem to care about them.
Why do I do this? Why would I want to be with someone who isn't as excited to see/talk to/be with me as I am to see/talk to/be with them? There really is something askew in my head. I am very rational; I can look at this situation and clearly see the fallacy of my actions and decisions. I should not waste my time on such unrequited adoration. I deserve better than that.
Enter the Berlin Wall of my brain.
Emotion and Rationality are stuck on opposite sides of the wall. They aren't friends and they aren't going to reconcile anytime soon. Despite the rational part of my brain that can assess and disapprove of my behavior, the emotional side wallows. I am sad, I am frustrated, I am disheartened; even though I know I shouldn't give two shits about it and move on.
I'm not even looking to be with anyone, for Pete's sake!!!
And yet, I sit. Stuck. I guess I can say that the one thing I'm good about is not initiating contact with him (since clearly, at the moment, I am referring to a specific individual; I don't fawn after several men at once. It's a rarity that I find a guy to like period). Of course, it's probably not good that I spend an absurd amount of time hoping that he will contact me.
When did I decide that I come second? My job is not to win someone over with intense effort. If mutual attraction is there, great; I should go with it. If it isn't, I should let go and realize that I am worth more than all of the waiting around I do.
Let go, Stephen. For your sake, be calm and stop over-thinking and scrutinizing EVERYTHING. Let things be as they are and go with the flow. You deserve it.
Please realize that already.
(I like that I'm speaking to myself. Talk about insanity!)
I have a tendency to fawn over men who are not interested in me. This isn't one of those "thrill of the chase" type of scenarios. I'm not chasing after men who are just playing hard to get. Rather, I seem to obsess over those who wouldn't give a shit if I went away or stopped talking to them.
And of course, this fact only goads me to try and make them like me. I obsess and get sad and hope that one day, if I do the right thing at the right moment, something will change in their perception of me. That they will all of a sudden care about me as much as I seem to care about them.
Why do I do this? Why would I want to be with someone who isn't as excited to see/talk to/be with me as I am to see/talk to/be with them? There really is something askew in my head. I am very rational; I can look at this situation and clearly see the fallacy of my actions and decisions. I should not waste my time on such unrequited adoration. I deserve better than that.
Enter the Berlin Wall of my brain.
Emotion and Rationality are stuck on opposite sides of the wall. They aren't friends and they aren't going to reconcile anytime soon. Despite the rational part of my brain that can assess and disapprove of my behavior, the emotional side wallows. I am sad, I am frustrated, I am disheartened; even though I know I shouldn't give two shits about it and move on.
I'm not even looking to be with anyone, for Pete's sake!!!
And yet, I sit. Stuck. I guess I can say that the one thing I'm good about is not initiating contact with him (since clearly, at the moment, I am referring to a specific individual; I don't fawn after several men at once. It's a rarity that I find a guy to like period). Of course, it's probably not good that I spend an absurd amount of time hoping that he will contact me.
When did I decide that I come second? My job is not to win someone over with intense effort. If mutual attraction is there, great; I should go with it. If it isn't, I should let go and realize that I am worth more than all of the waiting around I do.
Let go, Stephen. For your sake, be calm and stop over-thinking and scrutinizing EVERYTHING. Let things be as they are and go with the flow. You deserve it.
Please realize that already.
(I like that I'm speaking to myself. Talk about insanity!)
Monday, July 2, 2007
Sunburn + Lotion does not = relief
Okay, I've learned my lesson.
DO NOT put lotion on a sunburn. Maybe something with aloe. Maybe a regiment that is specifically made for sunburns. But NOT lotion.
My thought process was simple: when you get a sunburn, you need to keep the skin hydrated so that it doesn't dry out and peel. Well, apparently lotion and that dry, burned skin don't get along. My shoulders and arms started to sting and itch intensely the second I put it on.
I started hopping around my bathroom screaming like a little girl. Well, a little girl with the mouth of a sailor. I believe the word "fuck" was used quite profusely. And "damn it".
SOOOOOOO not doing that again. Yikes.
DO NOT put lotion on a sunburn. Maybe something with aloe. Maybe a regiment that is specifically made for sunburns. But NOT lotion.
My thought process was simple: when you get a sunburn, you need to keep the skin hydrated so that it doesn't dry out and peel. Well, apparently lotion and that dry, burned skin don't get along. My shoulders and arms started to sting and itch intensely the second I put it on.
I started hopping around my bathroom screaming like a little girl. Well, a little girl with the mouth of a sailor. I believe the word "fuck" was used quite profusely. And "damn it".
SOOOOOOO not doing that again. Yikes.
What the hell do people spend all day talking about?
Ninety percent of the time, I don't feel like I have anything to say to anyone.
Conversations are a chore. I never know what to say, nor do I care to come up with things to say just to fill the empty air. So often times, I sit in silence. Which can be awkward, but for the most part it's not awkward for me.
However, sometimes I worry that my conversational counterparts think I'm not interested in them or the conversation.
My insecurities lie in the emphasis on fluid conversations in successful friendships/relationships. It's not that I don't have things to talk about; I just don't find them relevant or important in the moment. On top of that, I really have no desire to sit around talking about myself; nor do I want to feel like I'm interviewing the people I'm talking to (asking a constant stream of questions with no sort of reciprocal questioning from the person I'm speaking with).
I think that I think too much about this.
Conversations are a chore. I never know what to say, nor do I care to come up with things to say just to fill the empty air. So often times, I sit in silence. Which can be awkward, but for the most part it's not awkward for me.
However, sometimes I worry that my conversational counterparts think I'm not interested in them or the conversation.
My insecurities lie in the emphasis on fluid conversations in successful friendships/relationships. It's not that I don't have things to talk about; I just don't find them relevant or important in the moment. On top of that, I really have no desire to sit around talking about myself; nor do I want to feel like I'm interviewing the people I'm talking to (asking a constant stream of questions with no sort of reciprocal questioning from the person I'm speaking with).
I think that I think too much about this.
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