Thursday, April 5, 2007

Run of the Mill

Today is Thursday. (You can thank me later for this life-altering declaration)

I feel like I need to make some drastic changes in my life. Not for the sake of change; rather, to have something exciting to write in a blog.

My days are mundane; I wake up, go to work, eat, go home, sit around thinking about all of the things I should be getting done but don't, then go to bed far later than I should.

Lately I've been meeting a lot of guys; some admittedly better than others. I always feel like my desire to no longer be alone clouds the meetings and their potential for friendships. Logically, I know that nothing significant can be built or felt until a foundation is set; a friendship needs to be forged to get anywhere "real." As a result, I struggle balancing my attraction, my desire to be coupled, and the necessity of a non-loaded friendship first.

I hate the pretense of meeting a guy: the immediate need to assess whether something romantic might come out of the encounter. As much as I hate it, I buy into it every time. That's not to say I haven't made progress in holding off on an emotional response. I'm already selective as hell when it comes to the men I like, so it's not like I fall for everyone I meet. On the contrary, it happens so rarely that I cling to those for whom I feel anything remotely resembling a connection. I'm slowly learning to guard my heart a little better than that. Taking a meeting as nothing more than an encounter with a potential new friend. Not reading into every flirtation or getting my hopes up. This seems to be the way to protect myself.

My friend Mike is correct: I need to take a rest. I can't keep falling flat on my face. I want to hope that everything will just happen as it does; that I will meet someone without trying to, that it will be fantastic, and that for once I will actually know and see it for what it is when it happens.

So here's to intended isolation. To taking life as it comes while making the most of it. To progress.

2 comments:

Nikki said...

Heyyyyyyyy Gorgeous. I was just thinking of you the other night in the waffle house after the cabaret show at ACPA. I miss you soooooo much. I look forward to reading more...

Biscotti said...

Hi Stephen,

I'm really happy to see that you are blogging. I think it might cut down on my blog time - I will just link to yours and say, "Yeah, what he said." I can totally relate to being extremely picky with 99% of the guys I meet and then falling irrationally and enthusiastically head over heels for that one random guy who inevitably turns out to be Unattainable Guy.

Keep it up - I'll be reading! :)

Laura